Memorize These Literary Quotations in Case of a “Conversational Emergency” (whatever the hell that is)

Do you have dreams of being the pretentious jerk all your friends complain about behind your back? How about looking like a huge dork in front of your boss? Memorize these seven literary quotations today to make your in-laws blush with shame.

Choose from classic Fitzgerald (“Reserving judgments is a matter of infinite hope”) if you’re cultivating a refined, Gatsby-esque persona, or Thoreau (“Our life is frittered away by detail. Simplify, simplify”) for the kind of sage sophistication that will make eyes utterly roll. I personally try to work vocabulary such as “fritter,” “daft,” and “gullyfluff” into my everyday conversation, intent as I am on social suicide.

In fact, why not go one step further and speak only in literary quotations? After all, nothing is worth saying if Steinbeck hasn’t already strung the words together. Cocktail parties—if those are even real—will never be quite the same again. Except for the fact that they’ll always be exactly the same, of course.

 

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